OMGG....NOOOO....

plz tell me its not true..
plz tell me that he isnt getting married
plz tell me she's talking about something else..
plzzzz....i dont want this...
how can this happen..
how can he get married..
whyyy???
plz tell me that i misunderstood everything...
but what if its true...what am i going to doo??
i love him soo muchh...
i gave him soo muchh..
i all hurting me soo muchh..
whyy..plzz babyy tell me whyy..
i want to fucken hatee uuu..
i want to FUCKEN FORGET UU..
I CANT TAKE THISS..
I CANTT DO THIS...
WHYYY....WHY AM I SOOO FKN STUPIDD
WHYY???
I DONT NEED THIS..
I REALLY DONT...
IT SHOULDNT MATTER..
BUT IT MATTERS..AND A LOTT..
UR SUCH AN ASSHOLE..
WHYY...UGHH..SCREW U...AND SCREW ALL THIS.
I DONT FUCKEN NEED U....
UR A NOBODY AND I DESERVE BETTER...
RIGHTT???
UGHH..IM SOO SADD...
BUT I WONT LET IT BRING ME DOWN..
I WONT..I PROMISEE...I'LL TRY...
UGHH....
STUPIDD DICK..
GOOD BYE.

I dOnT g3t It...

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
i had an awesomee blog
and it erasedd
i am soo maddd
i amm lividd
wtfff..ughh...
grrrr...im pissedd off
i am so madd
whyyy...
i finally am able to type exactly what i feel
and it all erases..
whyy???
is it suppose to be that eassy...
just erase it from my head n my heartt>>>
is ittt>>>
why cant anyone answer my questionss..whyyyyy???
ohh Godd...why...i'm hurting so badd...
i need strenghtt...give me strenghtt...

ThIs HaPpEnS wHeN i'M sAd...

I wanna hate you..but i can't
I want to forget u...but ur still in my head..
con cada momento estas mas dentro a mi piel
por mas que lo quiero no lo puedo detener.
pieces is all i have left
porque mi corazon se empieza a disolver.
Why does it have to be so hard?
What will it take him to realize
That everything doesnt have to be so sad.
Lo amo con todo mi corazon
Pero no encuentro el valor para
decircelo...
Baby....why..why..why....is all i can ask
and i'm wasting my time because
an answer i will never have.
Amor...te amo...y no entiendo
como me pudiste mentir diciendome
que me amabas tambien cuando todo era una equivocasion.
I need help. I dont know what to do...
I need to move on...but i'm so scared...i dont know how to..
Me da miedo la soledad
Pero especialmente estar sin ti..amor...que voy a hacer
I just need to talk to you...
and tell you I love you..and good bye...
Espero que lo sepas..aunque no lo pueda decir..
Amor...te amo...i siempre lo are...

I'm $aD...

Baby i miss you so muchh...
why do you have to be like that??
i mean how can u just throw two years away like
this..i mean...wtf...how can you hurt me like
this..how can you just pretend nothing ever happened...
i wish i could do the same thing..but i cant.
i cant forget about u..i want to call you
soo bad..but i know i cant...
i want to hug u soo bad...but your soo far away..
i want to kiss u soo bad...but now its too late..
its time to move on but its soo hardd...why cant
i do it..whyy...i feel soo sad...and sometimes
even depressed...but i dont want to be like this..
i want to move on...and start all over again...

~I aM sO tIr3d~

Hello, I am so tired it's not even funny. I worked Thursday, Saturday,today Sunday, and tomorrow Monday. I mean I don't mind but it's like the most I have worked continuosly in quite some time. MmM...well i got a cell phone incognito...meaning without my aunt knowing.I don't like hiding stuff from her,but I really need a cell phone.I get scared walking at night home from work all by myself.I mean now that I have a phone I can call people and talk to them until I get home. Or what if I get lost somewhere, what am i suppose to do? It helps when i am looking for a job because that way I can answer when they call back, unlike my house, there is noone home all day long, so if anyone calls to set up an interview, well I don't get the call. I got the criket phone on Thursday. I got the cheapest phone. It's not even a beauty thing. I'm going to try to biddazle my phone so it'll look pretty, but i'm being good about it. My feet hurt so much because i have to walk to work and back and I have to be standing up at work. Like Saturday, I had a meeting at 8 in the morning so i left my house at 7 and then i was at the meeting from 8 until 11. After that i decided not to go home since i had work at 1 and i would spend more time walking than actually at my house. Then i worked, got off at 6 and had to walk home. So I didnt get home till 7...partly because I was talking to people at work. I got home and i was tired, and hungry. Today I had to work, from 2 till 10, but i got off early, though I didnt want to come home so I stayed and watched a movie.I saw "The Martial Child" it was totally cute. I am really tired, and i still have to do homework, which i'll start tomorrow when I get home. Hope your weekend has gone awesome. Sorry I missed the UT thingy again...but i was stuck at work. I can't think of anything else so that is all for now...ta ta...

~GrR...sO hArD~

Hi Mr. McCormick...
I am really sad because i bombed my midterm..hihi...
oh well..anywho...I got sick yesterday my stomach hurtedd soo much
and i was vomiting soo much and all afternoon off...it was so bad that i went to bed really early. MmM...i worked monday, I was really tired, for a Monday it was really bussy. And i got this amazing interview with a guy from the NAVY and i hoped to use it for my midterm but someone *cough professor cough* wouldn't let me use it. I mean if I had been able to use it I would have had a better chance of passing my midterm, he gave me so much info that i could have used only his info to write my story, but oh well, now i will have an F and for that my grade will drop...tearss...
That doesn't matter anymore I am mad at Antonio for dropping the class and not telling me..and he isn't answering my e-mails or my myspace comments..grr antonio....
I finally got my typing certificate...so I officially type 44wpm net..or 51wpm with 4 errors..haha...
MmM...I have been aplying to different jobs because the movies isn't giving me many hours...and its a shame because I like it there a lot...except for having to get out till midnight...ughh...ugly.
Anywho, no class monday wuhuuu!!!But i have tons of homework to do. The paper for journalism..Veteran's Day...ppl don't celebrate it because they don't have or haven't had anyone from their families go to war...duuuhhh...and well yes I know...I have to research. Oh well.. and I also have to do two papers for my Child Development class.
WeLl I have to work tomorrow and I don't have much more to write so that is all for now...ta ta!!!

I'm TiReD :@

its been a long and tireing weekend. I have done soo much this weekend. I have done so much during the past week. where should i start?... umm well had school wednesday, oh yeah, it was halloween and i had to work halloween but i got off early. I came home and watched t.v. and slept. Thursday i went to the Chula Vista adult school and got the class so i can get my typing certificate and hopefully I will find a better job. Then i came home and just chilled..i think..i dont remember..oh yeah..i did lots of homework..haha. Friday i was home doing more homework and then I worked and didn't get home until 1 a.m. then i went online and fell asleep two hours later. Saturday I cleaned a lot, and stayed home, then i baby sat and didn't go to bed till like 2 in the morning. Today i woke up and we are currently having a party, so we had to do lots of stuff. My cousin Karina, its her birthday, her friend Erika and I baked different stuff like, brownies,cupcakes, banana pudding,cheesecake, and i dont know how many more things. we fixed everything up and then i had to help my aunt cook the rest of the stuff for the food. So i am really full and really tired. And i have school and work tomorrow and i have to help clean the house, so this is going to be a long night...and i haven't talk to the stupid idiot for like...mm..over one month and a half..grrr..well that is all for now..ta ta..

~GoInG tO tHe VaLl3y~

This weekends was totally eventfull. I had to go to a wedding on saturday in the Valley. So my plan was to leave friday and and come back on sunday. But a lot of thing happened that day and well...my aunt wouldnt let me go for manyyy reasonss...and i was reaally really sad. So I was on the messenger friday night, and i was talking to a friend and she told me that she was going to go down to the Valley on saturday and she offered me a ride!!! i wasss sooo totally excitedd!!! so i started getting ready. My aunt came home and i told her i was going to go and she got really mad at me. And then she told me that it was good, that way i could look for a place to leave. So i'm either going to go back to the valley after this semester, or i'm going to have to find a place to leave.
Well that is not what matters...well it does...but i'll talk about that later on...
so i got to the valley saturday afternoon and i went to my friend's house. the wedding started at 4:00 p.m. and i didnt get there until a little after. When i got to Reyna's house she was outside with her husband and with our friend Mayeli and Mayeli's boyfriend. I hadnt talked to them so they didnt know i was going to go.So as soon as they saw me they looked soo surprisedd, Mayeli ran to me and hugged me and was like" Oh my Gosh u made it!!!!"
So i went on and hugged Reyna and Angel. I went inside their house and got ready. I told the whole family hello. Well i was at the wedding and i was really happy and sad at the same time because she was...well already....moved to Utah with her husband.
After the wedding I spent the night at my friend Andrea's house.It was fun.
I got to see lots of my friends during this weekend. I came back until yesterday, monday, which is why i missed school. I couldnt come back before because my friend Suzette gave me a ride back.i dont know...there are so many things i want to say but its like i will take forever to write it down. I am going through soooo many emotions. I dont want to be at my aunts house anymore because i dont feel comfortable and i know that i am not wanted.
But i dont want to go back to the valley because it's like i got defeated and hadd to go back. i have noo clue what to do. This weekend was amazing, but its over now.I have been in my room all morning long because i dont want to bother my uncle with my presence.I dont even want to eat because i feel that i shouldnt eat their food. i dont know. I feel like crying.I wish that i could just leave already.but i have to find a good job, not one that only gives me like two days a week. i have to find a cheap apartment to live. and then i dont want to leave a lone because i'm going to get depressed. I dont know what to do.I wish someone would tell me exactly what to do. i'm tearing apart in my insides. I feel so sad, and depressed. Like its all my fault. That maybe if i hadnt been born everything would be easier for everyone...
I dont know...maybe i should go somewhere far and try to start over again...tears.. :(

BoOoRiNg..grrr...

Oh my gosh...it's thursday and i have been home...i haven't gone anywhere...
I have watched the newss so muchh....though the only thing they talk about
is the firestorm..so i wonder what is going to be on the quiz other than the fires..jaja...anywho...i dont know if i will get to go to the wedding which makes me really...but well the roads are ugly and i dont know if the 8 is close all the way to el centro..I am soo sad because of all the people that have lost their houses.That is just horrible. I dont have much more to write since I haven't done anything interesting...so that is all for now...ta ta..

No ScHoOl!!!!

firts of all I want to pay my respects to all those who have suffered in the San Diego County,L.A. are, and all the surrounding areas on the wildfires. To all those who have lost their houses my true condolesense(is that how u spell it?). I'm kind of scared, I personally live in Chula Vista and I'm not sure if the fires are getting closer or they are dying away. Thanks to all those who have taken help to the evacuation centers.My respects to all those. As for me...its because of a sad cause Buy I ammm soooo Happy!!!! NO SCHOOL TILL MONDAY!!!YAY MEE!!!!That is soo totally awsomee!!! I'm still waiting to see if i'm going to be able to go to the wedding..not sure..mmm...thinking...mmm...oh yeah....i dont know if i'm going to work or not...I'm not even sure if the freeway going that way is open.I really want to go to the wedding...I have allergies, so does my cousing..which totally sucks..but oh well. I get extra time to work on my assignment for child development. Hopefully Mrs.Anderson is doing well, she told me yesterday that she migh be evacuated from her house...how sad. I'm worried about all those that are close to the fire.The firemen and the reporters.They are doing an awsome job informing us what is going on. The San Diego Union-Tribune keeps updating their page whenever they have new news.The cnn webpage is being really helpful too. I am finally watching the newss!!! but they are only talking about the fires, and the President visiting on thursday, and the Governator here in San Diego.So at least we know they are doing or trying to do something...With all do respect to them!!...well that is all for now...ta ta..

Gu3$$ wH@t?!!

I started working yesterdaa!!! yey me!!!It's ok...not the best job ever..but its something.mmm...I am soo tiredd...I have so much homework to do..and I just can't think of anything. I can't write the papers down.I am hungry also,I haven't had food today.I worked to day also but I got sent home early because they have to cut payroll.And it didn't make my aunt to happy because I need a full time job, so I need to keep looking for a job. I am soo excited hopefully i will be able to attend Reyna's wedding next week.I have so many plans, i just have to make sure i will get to go...that's that. I am so sleepy..but i can't go to sleep until i finish my assignments for Journalism...gosh Mr.McCormick...j/k i 'm not blamming you.Well I shall go before I actually fall asleep..one assignment and a half down and one and a half to go..that's all for now...ta ta...
I'm still waiting for a written comment...au revoir!!!

WhY cAn'T iT aLl Be HaPpInEsS?

I've had some good moments and some sad ones this week, and the week isn't even over yet..wow..jaja..well first of all the good news...yesterday I had to go to orientation to work in the movie theater. So hopefully i'll start working this week. So YeY mE!!!! One of the bad news is that I have tooooonssss of homework...I don't know what I'm going to do. I have 3 assignments for journalism, one biiiig one for child development, and they are all due next week...ughh...anywho...and I'm probably going to be working so it's going to be even worst....

Well today we had a guest speaker in Journalism. Nel Cepeda, a UT's photographer. He has taken amazing pictures and he has traveled a lot. He told us of his experience at Iraq.He is so..I don't know..brave..because he has gone there four times, and he is at actual war zones. He isn't hiding out, he is there living what everyone else is leaving. It's wow..and as he told us several stories I got so upset and so sad, I mean...i felt ...angry...at so much deaths and sadness and families suffering.It was a great impact, and i dont know...i would like something to do with photography. One of my cousins is a photographer so i dont know if it would work out too well...but i dont know....I'm still open to any possibilities...that is all for now..till better times...ta ta..

P.S. I'M STILL WAITING FOR A COMMENT IN ONE OF MY BLOGGSS!!!...
THANK YOU!!!!

P.P.S. YeY mE!!!

I @m $o ToT@lLy 3XcIt3D!!!!

Oh My ToTaLlY goSh GuEsS wHaT i FoUnD oUt YeStErDaY????One of my friends is getting married!!!! YeY for hEr...AnD gUeSs what else??? i Might Go..isn't that awsomeeee????YeY mEE!!Anywho...it's in two weeks and i am soo excited for her...i've known her since i was in sixth grade...and even though we are not BFF's..well we have always kept in touch with each other and know what is going on...and i just found out this...YeY mee...but the sad part is that she is moving to Utah..why Utah..its...country...well the valley isn't that great either...but she doesn't know anyone over there...i am worried about her..what is she going to do...where is she going to live...why is she movingg????But if she thinks its the best thing then I guess it's the best...I have to go...even if i don't find a place to stay...but i know i will..haha...i don't care if i have to spend the night in my grandmas house in Mexicali, which is totally guetto...but anywho...it's all for my friend...Reyna is an amazing friend, and i wish her the best of luck in her marriage...i just hope it lasts...I mean she has been going out with Angel for over three years..but...getting married is very different..she is barely 19. I mean she is a mommy and daddies girl. Ai Ai Ai, I dont know ....but i am excited...all i have to do is pray so that I can go...if not i will be very very sad...Tearss...TT (that is suppose to be a face crying...

BoReD...uGh...

good night...nothing new...just bored so i am here...typing about what i did today...which wasnt much...jaja...i woke up late...yey mee!!! and then i started cleaning because we were gonna have visit over. mmm and then i just sat around...i had a heart to heart conversation with a friend and he made me realize that i am stronger than i think...sometimes..jaja and i have made the correct decision by moving on. its gonna be hard but i can do it..right??

anywho we had our visit over, it was my cousins ninos...

we had fish tacos and pizza and some kind of coctail, and shrimp...i dont know, my aunt cooked, and she is a pretty damn good cook. i am bored to my heels...there is nothing in t.v. and everyone is in bed already.i'm watching what not to wear and drumline.i'm waiting for it to be midnight so i can comment my cousin because its her birthday tomorrow...finally eighteen,yey us we get to go to tj clubbing...yey mee!!!...i am watching the suit life of zack and cory also how awsome am i!!!well i shall go...i dont know what else to write...that is all for now..ta ta

finalment!!!

well i got my computer...its not working too well

which means that i might have to send it back to dell to see if they can do anything about it.the microsoft works is missing which means i dont have anywhere to type papers up...but at least i can send e-mail....which means that is where i am going to be typing my papers up and sending them through until i figure out a way to fix this problem...i had a job intervie at the movies near my house...which means that i might start working soon.

YeY mEe!!! anywho...i went shopping today...i and it made me happy. i am finally able to talk to my friends now that my computer is working..my msn messenger isnt working but my windows messenger is...so until i fix the other one i will be using the regular one.mmm....i have tons of homework to do...its not even funny...my child development is going to drive me crazy...that lady seriously...i have a test next week and in like one week i have to turn in this big assignment that i havent even started which means that i am going to be going crazy during the weekend

and if i start working its gonna be even harder.

with mid terms and all...i dont know...i dont do well under too much pressure...specially if its a test...and i have to get another class...one that last 8 or 9 weeks...hopefully i'll find one tuesdays and thursdays from like 8 to 11 or something like that...i nono...its getting late and im getting tired so if anything interesting happens i will be back...and if not...well till next week...that is all for now....ta ta..

TiM3 2 m0v3 0n...

I love him i know i do...

But sadly it's time to move on.

How am i going to do it

i don't know but what i do know

is that i can't keep torturing myself.

I hope he is happy

i hope he is safe

i only want for him what is best.

and that what makes us different

he only wanted what was best for him

he didnt care if he hurt someone

just as long as he gets what he want

I have heard from my friends

one million and one times

that he isnt good

that he is just trash

that i deserve a prince

not a frog

but i didnt want to listen

i didnt want to believe it

but know as i open my eyes

i happened to realize

that he isnt what i need

i deserve someone to love me

someone to take care of me.

i dont know what to think

i dont know what to do

al i know is that

it's time to move on...

WeIrD tHiNgS...

On saturday i had to wake up early to be a good friend. I went with Yaneli, another friend , to Descanso facility cause she had to go visit her husband. SHe is pregnant also, but her baby is due next month. How exciting is that. I dont like waking up early the days that i dont have to. but she needed someone to go with her because they check licence at the entrance and she doesnt have her license. so i go and i drop her off in her car. then i go and wait in a parking lot for an hour.

then she took me to best buy to leave my computer. It took forever for someone to help me because there was a long line. anywho, then we went to eat susshi and it was yummmy...i missed sushi.

i went home afterward and just chilled. I dont quite remember what i did sunday...nope...i dont...jaja...life is weird...lots of things happened. and i don't know what else to write about..do u???just kidding well that's all for now...

Je ne ce pa?

Hello...i'm back...yey mee!!! i know you missed me...well I Have been everywhere..last week was kind of eventfull. first of all i finally got my laptop back...yey mee!! i got to see my friend,Arlette. she is soo cute, her belly is growing. She is barely five months and she already gained thirty pounds...that is a lot...anywho...we talked a lot. then we called one of our friends from State and she said she was gonna go visit us. So bubu got ready and her boyfriend got home and then we waited for Jenny and we went to eat to Denny's. Afterwards we went to rent some movies.Jenny's boyfriend, Ricky, met us at the UT's, that is one of the dorms at SDSU. and we headed on to bubu's house.

I got home at around eleven at night. I had so much fun with my friends, i hadn't realized how much i had missed hanging out with them and seeing SDSU after last semester made me realize how much i miss it too and that i have to get back there somehow...or maybe a bigger place i don't know...I can't wait to see bubu's baby...but that wont be until february...anywho that is all for now...au revoir...

YeY mE....oR nOt?...

Hello...ok i'm back....woww...my life is crazy or what...i got fired from my job las friday....its good cause i couldnt stand it anymore....and bad cause i have to find a better job somewhere....the good thing about that is that since holiday seasons are starting they should be hireing everywhere...yey mee...the same friday i got fired i had an interview at Bath & Body Works in the ChulaVista mall....and then Yesterday i went to the Otay mall and applied at Barnes & Nobles....i stayed there reading the Harry Potter book....When one of the managers comes up to me and asks me if i stayed a little longer they would give me my first interview...and i did and it went awsome...he told me he would call me in the following week...so i went back to my reading...less than 15 minutes after he comes back and tells me that if i wait a little longer i would get my second interview...so i went yey mee!!! i prayed to God and i got my second interview....and the manager liked me and she told me that she would call me during the next week.....I am soo excited...being surrounded by lots of books..i love it....
I had school today and i have tooooonnns of homework too dooo...i have hw for journalism....mmmm...which means i have to find another program...*cough cough* because i cant use gossip girl....anywho...and i havee to do lotss for child development....and then for eng 115....its all at the same time...it seems that everyone is getting ready for midterms...but i'm nott!!! oh well...tomorrow i'll go and look a job....wait...i have an interview today at the Charlotte Russe in Mission Valley..But its really really far...and it'll take me forever to get there...i dont have a car so my transportation is buses and the trolley....not fun...grrr...ok...enough for today..i'm suppose to be baby-sitting..jojo...baee have an awsomee day!!!kisses...xoxo

Que Pasa?

yey me i am back....i was suppose to go look for a job today but what happened was i was tooo tired and i didnt wake up early....but i'll go on thursday....i have to make a huge decision....stay at my aunts house or go live with my friend...i live with my aunt and i dont pay anything....but its hard because i am not free to do what i want...if i move with my friend i will have to pay rent....but i will be with my friend n i will be able to do anything i want...which is not much cause im usually a good little girl...except for what i did last week....jiji...sry...i dont know what to do...but i would have to move by like the first of october....and she lives far...which means i would have to travellll forever to go to school...which i guess its ok....but i have to find a job....and i dont know...i am so confused...i want to call my friend but he is mad at me at the moment so i dont know what to dooo????i am going crazy.....crazy i sayyy....i sound like such a teenager...i dont know....well i'll decide eventually....purrum

Everything is sooooooo Difficult

Lots of things happened last week. You probably dont want to know this...but for the first time in my life...now that i am 20...i sneaked out of my house for a boy...ridiculous isnt it...well anyways....its a very close friend that i hadnt seen in like two months and i really wanted to be with him. So i was with him...i missed school monday...hehe...cause he had to go to court and i had to go with him just in case they took him to jail i would let his family know. He isnt from here. He lives in the imperial valley. anywho everything was fine monday and then he went home monday afternoon. We got in a big argument tuesday. Thank God my family didnt find out what i had done. i had to go to work.Mmm...i work at Vons on telegraph and i HATE ITTTT!!!! i want to quit but i cant do that until i find another job. I hate my life....but everything happens for a reason and i am just waiting for God to show me what is my purpose in life...in this world....I wish i could go back to high school with my friends and all my teachers protecting me. now i feel like i am alone and i feel lost....i dont know...i must sound pathetic and probably this is the same thing many others say. i dont know...i am tired of fighting for everything. fighting for my friends to stay together, fighting for my own life. i dont know....someday when i am older i will understand everything that has happened to me and why. i dont want to bore you our of your mind so i will let you go....buh bye!!

EvErYtHiNg HaPpEnS fOr A rEaSoN

Many things have happened in my life. Many of them I would rather forget, but for some reason or other I can't. I've learned in the last 15 years of my life what it is to suffer, to be alone,and want death over life. I seem like the happiest person on earth, but looks can be deceiving. I am strong,but sometimes I cant take it anymore. Everything in this world happens for a reason,only God knows the answer. I am 20 years old but i feel like I have lived more. I will not go into detail yet, maybe later on. All I know is that I want to have a great life, and even in those moments that it seems to never happen i will try not to give up, because giving up is for losers.